Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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