i just had sex bonerless
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
