shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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