I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
