I'm really into asian looking animals
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
