Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
