So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
