I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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