tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
