Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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