Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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