Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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