I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
