So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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