i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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