oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
