I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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