i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
