Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
