In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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