SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
