It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
