lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he high fived his dick after we had sex
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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