Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
