do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
