She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
