you traded sex for a burrito?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
