Jerry, you need to find god
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The struggles of a small town man whore
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
