Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
