Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
