I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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