Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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