He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
