Sponge bath it is.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
