DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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