somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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