Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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