Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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