Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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