3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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