You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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