I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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