I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
