I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
