I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
