Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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