I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she told me i tasted like america
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
