Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
