but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Still dying that you shit outside
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
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Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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