She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize