my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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