Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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