Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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