So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
