Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize