All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
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Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
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You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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