my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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