I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
