thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
