my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
