life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
