I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
