nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Plan B is the new Plan A
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
