Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
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so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
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I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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