my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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