he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
