You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
