I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize