so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
