the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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