My room smells like vodka and shame
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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